In continuing the trend of reflective, dejecting posts, let me introduce my college woes.

I will be going to Franklin College Switzerland in the fall. I applied in 2007, deferred because of my exchange to Norway, and will be attending in fall, 2009. That’s all fine and dandy, except I haven’t received any information on scholarships and financial aid yet. I had $11,000 toward my tuition when I was accepted, but I have no idea if that money is still being held for me because of my deferral. So yeah, I’m worried. But that’s only half of it.

Going to college, it’s a big step. And the one thing that worries me is: did I make the right choice? I mean, it sounds good on paper: the good traveling opportunities, getting a dual diploma, an international environment–but is it really so; how is it beyond pen and ink? I think it’s a big committment to make actually, choosing a college. I mean, after all, you’re choosing your home for the next two to four years. And what if I don’t like it? What then? Transfer? Where? Would it even be possible?

I remember thinking the same things last year…I thought I was over it, but I guess worrying about college sort of resurfaced all the little issues I’ve had in going with my decision.

There’s so much more to it–the reputation, the unconventionalness, the doubts and the after-college fears–but I feel I’ll only end up fatiguing myself if I tried to explain every little detail. The only important thing to worry about, i hvertfall, is getting that award money.

Anyway, back to life: I’m sick again. I’ve actually gotten sick quite a few times this year, it sucks. I guess going on exchange takes a toll on your immune system.
Just this past weekend we had our mid-year AFS camp: it’s hard to believe that we’ve been here six months already. We’re more than half-way ferdig. It was a very different tone from the previous week’s hyttetur–there was a lot more reflection, seriousness, and…comfort. I guess lately, I’ve been tending to look at only the bad things rather than the good things. I also remember something important that Cecilie said: “You can’t compare experiences. Don’t think ‘If I had lived in this town, or had these friends, that everything would be better.‘” I think I need to stop thinking about what others have in their lives here in Norway and just focus on making the best out of my own. And I think that extends to so much more than just exchange–I don’t know how many times in the past I thought my life would be better if I looked differently, lived somewhere else, had different friends, or had a complete family. The problem is learning how to stop thinking this way. I wonder if this is how smokers feel…
Anyway, Cecilie also said something else that struck me: we only have five months left. And these five months go fast. If there is something you’ve been thinking of doing, don’t wait: do it.

My mindset right now is definitely different than it was when I first came here, no doubt about that. Living here for half a year has shown me the whats and what-nots of Horten. And while I can’t make a second first-impression, I am determined to make this second half the best yet. “Jeg skal leve fullt og helt hver dag.”