The Flossy Flossy

Keeping it “on the real” the best I can.

Archive for February, 2009

XIX, Fleeting

My name is Greg, and I am 19. Gotta get used to saying that. Man, I feel old. It’s like, all of a sudden, I’m being bombasted by these regrets of “typically18″ things I missed out on. (Not that I even know what they are. Sex on prom night, maybe…) It’s like that one episode of Friends when Phoebe laments about not having done any of the things she was going to do at 30. I don’t know, sometimes it feels like I’m just not doing enough. But that’s something else entirely.

Had a little gathering last weekend–first birthday party I’ve had since the 5th grade. (Went a lot better this time, though.) Invited a few from AFS and some others from school. Xenia made pizza, Balazs sang “Ring of Fire,” and Hauge–well, it’ll be a while before he sees hair on his right breast again.

Other than that, things have been normal. After falling sick and taking absence from school almost all of last week, I am pretty proud of my so-far perfect attendance this week. (I even went to History; I don’t think I’ve been in that class for over three months.) Hope I won’t screw it up by blogging this late.
But you know, today, sitting in class, I realized something: I’m starting not to make a big deal out of things anymore. Well, it must sound pretty obvious, but it happened really subtly: I don’t log about “who I talked to at school/what I ate today” anymore, I’m getting used to the snow (and I’ll admit, sometimes walking in it can be a real drag)–it’s not that I don’t appreciate these things, but they’ve become so normal to me that they’re no longer worth mentioning. It’s a very strange thought, on s’habitue à tout. Even if we have something, permanent, unforgettable, it loses its extravagance eventually…a preferred dish, a favorite song. Change is the only solution.

I watched The Curious Case of Benjamin Button today, an excellent and thought-provoking film. And parallelly thinking, even if we could capture ourselves in a dance, a night, a moment and stay that way, would our satisfaction in that moment be the same? If Benjamin and Daisy were to have stopped aging or de-aging then, would things still have remained as beautiful? Surely it would wither into something average–the charm is in the ephemerality of it
Perhaps it’s best to let memories stay in the past and enjoy the fleeting moments while one can. Perhaps these memories are the only things that remain the same, snapshots of one’s emotions–but only to be reflected upon, never to be relived. And in a bittersweet way, perhaps it’s better this way.

Luiza

I’m gonna take some time now to write about a very special person in my life here in Norway. Her name is Luiza, and she lives around the corner and down the street from my house–my fellow Hortensk exchange student semi-neighbor from Belo Horizonte, Brazil.

It’s very strange and interesting to see my relationship with her develop throughout these six months. I honestly can’t imagine life in Horten without her now; funny to think that at the beginning of the year, I didn’t even want anything to do with her!
I think both of us thought similarly; after all, we were in Norway to get Norwegian friends, not to hang around each other, right? But as the months rolled by and our novelty in town wore off and the weather got colder and the times got harder, it hit me–here was a girl who was going through the exact thing that I’m going through, I should be supporting her, not competing against her for “hvem har det bedre i Norge!”

So in these past two months, we slowly began to spend more time together, mostly in the form of half-hour/hour long late-night walks around the neighborhood. And we began to talk: at first just common, superficial banter–what we did on a certain day, school, AFS gossip–but lately, more personal issues: our fears, our pasts, our goals. (I’ve actually just come back from one of our walks. [It was koselig, she sang me the "Norwegian birthday song," gave me a beer at midnight for turning 19, and then ended up drinking most of it herself. Typisk Luiza, haha.] Our topics du soir were Rio de Janeiro, our first condoms, being yourself, our dads, “professionalism,” how we want ourselves to be, being bullied, and snap judgements.)

I never thought I could learn so much from her. But I suppose knowledge and wisdom is imparted in unexpected ways. I think just by getting to know her, I am already seeing so much–beyond myself, my life, my experiences. And, although I’ve gotten to know people, I’ve never felt like I really learned anything about myself in the process. But us two–we come from such different worlds, yet it surprises me how well I am able to understand her. Because we’re so different, it’s kind of incredible to see that we’re still on the same wavelength regarding many things.(Excuse the metaphorical paradox. I’ve had one-tenth of a beer too many. And it’s late.) I think this is heightened by our unconventional way of…befriending one another; I have seen her both as just a casual person and as a close friend now, and the views and opinions that I have of these two characters are so drastically different. (It goes to show just how much you really know someone.) I could never have guessed what was on the inside just by looking at the façade.

And you know, for a girl who still can’t manage to say “I’m freezing!” (we’re working on that, by the way), she has a lot of smart thoughts. (In fact, just tonight, she said something to the extent of: if you don’t like them then why walk with them?…or something like that. Shit, my mind is turning into tomato paste. But believe me, it was really pertinent and epiphanous.) One that I really like: Don’t start a fight, just finish it.

Luiza: Estou muito agradecido que cê está aqui. Estamos juntos por apenas um ano, mas cê sempre será meu amiga. :)

In continuing the trend of reflective, dejecting posts, let me introduce my college woes.

I will be going to Franklin College Switzerland in the fall. I applied in 2007, deferred because of my exchange to Norway, and will be attending in fall, 2009. That’s all fine and dandy, except I haven’t received any information on scholarships and financial aid yet. I had $11,000 toward my tuition when I was accepted, but I have no idea if that money is still being held for me because of my deferral. So yeah, I’m worried. But that’s only half of it.

Going to college, it’s a big step. And the one thing that worries me is: did I make the right choice? I mean, it sounds good on paper: the good traveling opportunities, getting a dual diploma, an international environment–but is it really so; how is it beyond pen and ink? I think it’s a big committment to make actually, choosing a college. I mean, after all, you’re choosing your home for the next two to four years. And what if I don’t like it? What then? Transfer? Where? Would it even be possible?

I remember thinking the same things last year…I thought I was over it, but I guess worrying about college sort of resurfaced all the little issues I’ve had in going with my decision.

There’s so much more to it–the reputation, the unconventionalness, the doubts and the after-college fears–but I feel I’ll only end up fatiguing myself if I tried to explain every little detail. The only important thing to worry about, i hvertfall, is getting that award money.

Anyway, back to life: I’m sick again. I’ve actually gotten sick quite a few times this year, it sucks. I guess going on exchange takes a toll on your immune system.
Just this past weekend we had our mid-year AFS camp: it’s hard to believe that we’ve been here six months already. We’re more than half-way ferdig. It was a very different tone from the previous week’s hyttetur–there was a lot more reflection, seriousness, and…comfort. I guess lately, I’ve been tending to look at only the bad things rather than the good things. I also remember something important that Cecilie said: “You can’t compare experiences. Don’t think ‘If I had lived in this town, or had these friends, that everything would be better.‘” I think I need to stop thinking about what others have in their lives here in Norway and just focus on making the best out of my own. And I think that extends to so much more than just exchange–I don’t know how many times in the past I thought my life would be better if I looked differently, lived somewhere else, had different friends, or had a complete family. The problem is learning how to stop thinking this way. I wonder if this is how smokers feel…
Anyway, Cecilie also said something else that struck me: we only have five months left. And these five months go fast. If there is something you’ve been thinking of doing, don’t wait: do it.

My mindset right now is definitely different than it was when I first came here, no doubt about that. Living here for half a year has shown me the whats and what-nots of Horten. And while I can’t make a second first-impression, I am determined to make this second half the best yet. “Jeg skal leve fullt og helt hver dag.”

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