The Flossy Flossy
Keeping it “on the real” the best I can.Archive for family
Vendepunkt: Samtale med Foreldra
Wow, tonight has been so good. It’s been a long time since I felt like I’ve really spent quality time with Mamma og Pappa, and that’s exactly what tonight has been.
Etter pizza dro Joakim, Chris og Rudi til kinoen og da var det bare oss tre hjemme. (Marie er på konfirmantleir i hælja.) Jeg viste dem mitt prosjekt om Kinas minoriteter som jeg har brukt masse tid på, og innemellom lysbildene begynte vi å prate mye om litt av alt–fra Kinas historie til kulturforskjeller til hvordan jeg trives i Norge til mitt forhold med mamman min. Jeg fikk sjansen til å si så mye som har plaga meg ganske lenge, og det føles så bra at jeg kunne være helt ærlig med dem, særlig om min dårlige samvittighet at jeg ikke er med mamman min lenger. Vi snakka mye om det, faktisk–om hvorfor det er viktig at jeg ikke skulle føle ansvar for hennes problemer, og at selv om det er vanskelig må hun bli vant til livet uten meg. Også sa Pappa noen ting at jeg ikke hadde tenkt på før: at kanskje hun skal bli lykkeligere når hun klarer til å gjøre ting sjølv! Jeg vil huske disse tingene at han sa til meg.
Men vi snakka om andre ting òg, og det gjør meg så kjampeglad å høre at de er glad i meg–og jeg selvfølgelig føler det samme! Det var veldig rørende òg å høre at jeg var velkommen tilbake når som helst; vi har enda snakka om en Kinatur i fremtida! Men først skal vi til Bergen i påskeferie for å besøke Irene og Geir (søstra og svogeren til Mamma) og deres barn i flere dager. Jeg gleder meg masse til å se Vestlandet igjen!
Men ja, jeg virkelig trengte den samtalen. Når føler jeg meg helt correct og alt ordner seg igjen. (Even that forelskafølelse I’ve been getting lately doesn’t seem to char as much, haha.) I love my family!
Lavdepunkt
Wow, this week has been hard. I swear, all I do is complain nowadays, and while that in no way is an accurate representation of my experience here thusfar, denne uke har vært forferdelig!
Had a blow-up with Mom over the phone. It started as an argument about withdrawing from the ATM but escalated into a flurry of rage, tears, and even a suicide threat. Though it ended on a mollifying tone, it set the pace for the rest of the week.
I’m also reminded of the fact that this experience–going on exchange–doesn’t just affect me. While I’m off trollying around and licking poles in Norway she’s still living the everyday life at home…except with one less person in the household. I used to assuage myself by thinking that it would’ve been just the same if I had gone off to college, but at least then she could see me during vacations and holidays.
I know that my life is just beginning, and I know that I want to see the world and experience life, but I still feel guilty for leaving her. It’s a different situation than it would have been if we had been a three-member family. Even though she has a boyfriend now, I’m not blind to the frailty of “long-term relationships”–she’s on her third one now. I ultimately hope that he’ll be the one to take care of her and keep her company, just as I hoped that the last one would do, and the one before that. (She’s also considering break up with him.)
I know she wouldn’t like the thought of anyone pitying her, me included (or maybe me especially), and I’m not. I just want her to be happy. And though she reassures me she’s fine, even the toughest of people can feel small and alone without somebody at their side.
So anyway, after that tearful phone call, my eyes never unreddened/unpuffed themselves and now I realize that I have pink eye.
And the thought of school doesn’t do anything but exacerbate matters. I spent pretty much the past four days doing nothing but cramming to finish up an English presentation on Chinese minorities. (Did you know that in addition to provinces and municipalities, China also has five “autonomous regions,” each named after the most populous minority nationality in that region?)
I’m in no way giving up or calling it quits, but things could go just a tad better, you know? Well, at least Ungkaren is on TV tomorrow.
Anyway, påskeferie (Easter Break) is coming up and we’re headed west to Bergen to spend a week with Mamma’s sister Irene and her family. I’m looking forward to seeing western Norway again. And hopefully, I’ll be able to come back with a better grasp of that darned Bergen dialect. (Who knows? I might even begin to understand Leif and samfunnsøkonomi.)
Almost Gone…
So thanks to Xenia/Jessica/Italian girl, I realize that we only have four more months left in Norway. I can’t begin to relate how I’m feeling right now: overwhelmed and empty at the same time. It’s a difficult feeling–knowing that the end is coming, and that this year will never happen again.
The fact that I’m used to life here, that nothing’s out of the ordinary anymore, only makes it that much harder to leave–because I’m not just leaving Hvitveisstien, I’m leaving home; and I’m not just leaving a “host” family, I’m leaving Mamma, Pappa, Joakim and Marie. I’m so amazed at how lucky I was to be placed in this household–so welcoming, endearing, and fun. And I’m so amazed at how natural it feels, and how attached I’ve become.
I remember all those evenings coming home after a night or a weekend away. I remember that familiar, cozy feeling as I’m walking up Apenesbakken, the house looming into view. And above Pappa’s Gecom company car, I can see the warm orange glow of the living room through the window. I love seeing that orange glow; it means somebody’s there…and awake. I love opening the door, taking off my shoes and enjoying the smell of home. And I love hearing the hi’s and hallo’s from whoever’s sitting above. I love going to my room to find Zaiko kosing on my bed (even though he sheds EVERYWHERE), and going up the stairs all the while wondering what we’re having for dinner that night, and seeing them and telling them how my day or weekend went, and hearing theirs. I love that feeling of coming home; it feels so right.
I love our hytte. Up in the mountains where there’s nothing there but forests and wilderness. I love picking mushrooms even though the trees make me dizzy. I love kayaking, ice-bathing, and grilling sausages by the nearby lake. I love the lack of technology and the feeling of being immersed in nature. I love sitting outside at night, with a warm fire, gazing up at the starry night sky, listening to Eva Cassidy or Josh Groban while sipping a cup of glugg. I love getting into that bed at night–I have never slept so well as I do when I sleep in that bed, no exaggeration. I love the feeling of not having a care in a world when I’m up there.
And I love Pappa’s jokes, especially the terrible ones; I love how he’s always in a good mood. I love Mamma’s patience, and the special way she explains things; I LOVE her cooking–I swear I have been culinarily spoiled rotten this year; I even like her occasional reminders on taking shorter showers. I love the differences between me and Joakim; he’s opened my eyes to so much, whether he knows it or not; I love his determination and fierceness. I love sitting on the couch with Marie every night: Top Model Mondays, CSI: Miami Tuesdays, CSI: NY Wednesdays, Bones Thursdays, and all the other miscellaneous TV shows that she watches; I love her fjortis, her sharp sarcastic sense of humor, her infatuation with make-up. And I’m leaving all of this behind. È follia!
Smørbrød with salami, the special cheeses Mamma would buy from time to time, the bottle of maple syrup on the counter that I would occasionally over-abuse à cause de Tilly, PIZZAKVELD, visits from Bestemor, Firkløver chocolate after volleyball practice (which I don’t go to anymore on account of laziness/snow), the geniusness of saft, Zaiko sleeping on my bed.
And my friends! Midnight walks with Luiza when she could still walk. Going to Tønsberg with Xenia to get my ear pierced and finding out how strange she really is…Learning how to break on slalom skis from Balazs and our desires to visit Prague–and sing Lips all night long. Listening to Francesco talk about music, and philosophy, and life. Watching a cup of tea seep with Tilly and Marie and talking about whatever random thing is running through our minds. Going up to Drammen to make and eat authentic and GOOD Chinese food with Yanzi and reminescing over our–or rather, my–childhood in China. Yo sé que nada es para siempre, but couldn’t it last a little bit longer?
家庭和 Social 环境
今天是一个不好的天。不知道为什么，但是就感觉呆呆的和没有劲儿！对什么东西都没有兴趣。也想过很多不愉快地事情。
我感觉玛丽亚不太喜欢我。其实，要你问我的话，我也没有 evidence，但是我感觉她觉得我–傻。也可能是我过分装傻冲愣了。但是，啊，我只想跟他交一个好关系，但是我们俩的距离还是那么远。我也最近发现她比较–讽刺，有时候开的玩笑艇伤人的，好像他真的不喜欢我住在这里一样。（你没看她今天晚上给我的眼神儿，够可怕的。）我真的不知道他对我的看法是怎么样子，但是我准备升白旗了–也就这样吧。我还以为我们会做很好的朋友呢，但是现在看来，够呛。我真的挺失望。
我跟老二的关系其实也没有我想象的那么近。虽然我们俩是同岁，我们没有一根铜线儿！我非常喜欢和崇拜他，但我们实在是两个太不一样的人了。我觉得这是很可惜，以为我说真的很想跟他和他的朋友在一起。他们就像在电视上的少年–又快又 cool。但是不管我多么的想跟他们在一块儿，我发现自己不配。他们太疯；我太乖。Y no puedo ser lo que no soy。我，向大家，当然也想享受自己，但是可惜不能跟他们一样。我不喜欢把自己看成一个 marmy 无聊的人（我也其实没有把自己看成那样儿），但是我真的不喜欢他们“庆祝”的方法。我觉得最好的，最愉快的时候还是跟一群儿好朋友在一起享受–不需要设么毒品和（太多的）酒。我觉得那才是真正叫 cool 呢。
Høydepunkter
Because I was inspired by Chris, I thought it’d be an artig idea to come up with my own personal highlights of 2008. I suppose it’s good to look back once in a while to remind yourself of the things that you did do right and are proud/fond of. Although, I can’t be too sure how well this is gonna turn out considering I have the worst memory, so I’m bound to forget things I probably should remember…
- Tim Papp. ‘Nuff said.
- Telling Mom I “can’t make up my mind about meat and vegetables” on my 18th birthday.
- Asking Nick Sherred to Senior Prom on Jesus Christ Superstar’s closing night. It didn’t work out, but I’m happy to know that at least I don’t have anything to regret.
- Getting the Talon Award. I’m probably the least deserving candidate but I never thought I’d get an award like that. And it’s nice to leave high school knowing you’ve left your mark, however minute it is.
- Last days spent with Katherine in the USA. It was so bittersweet. We were both so excited for the future, but it also meant saying goodbye to everything that we’ve known for the past six years. And for the first time, eating at Texas Roadhouse, I got a glimpse of ourselves doing the same thing five years later: cracking peanuts over gossip, plans and current events. I couldn’t have thought of a better way to capsulate our high school experience.
- Hytteturer: canoeing, shooting cans, icebathing, sitting by the campfire listening to Josh Groban while looking at the Milky Way, far far away from the world’s troubles–it’s heaven.
- Pizzakvelder med Beatforbeat.
- Coming out…again. Gotta stop doing that.
- Juleavsluttening and fucking up my song. But at least now I know the purpose of a sound check. And hey, something good did come out of it, I suppose. Vi får se da!
Ja vel, det var 2008: a year well-spent, for the most part, I think.
Forresten, do yourself a favor and go see Hugh Jackman Australia. It’s got the whole family talkin’. (Mais de quoi parlons-nous exactement–alors, vous trouverez.)
