The Flossy Flossy
Keeping it “on the real” the best I can.Archive for Friends
Crap
I don’t know why it always ends this way. I have so much trouble keeping people in my life. All it takes is one mishap and I lose that connection with them. It’s so simple.
I know I used to call Americans flaky and superficial in the way they make friends, but I’m not really any different anymore. Sometimes I think I’m much worse, much more blatant and manipulative.
I’m defensive, stubborn, and have my head too high, I know. I hate it, and I don’t know if it’s something I can ever change, so I try to watch myself. But watching doesn’t change a damn thing if you don’t act.
I get worn out easily by people; there are disappointingly few that I can hang out with for more than 48 hours in a row. I suppose that’s why I never had a fixed group in high school, or here for that matter. I get tired of hearing about the same things from the same people. It’s repetitive. (Which I guess would be pretty ironic because I would make an educated guess that that’s what most people think about me.)
I think I treat most of my friendships as checkpoints rather than something that is constantly fluctuating. In the end, I inevitably push them away because I can’t understand how to handle the dynamic of how it shifts and changes, or it becomes too much too fast and I end up recoiling. And don’t me started on the denials. I played Peter; I would know.
Just working my brain out. It’s been a tiring day alone amidst the people. And I miss my family, which is the most probable explanation for this downpour of crappy sentiment.
Tomorrow will be a better day.
VG-Lista Topp 20
That there above is a snippet of my memorable, Italian-infested weekend! Joined Xenia, Eric, and Valerie on Friday in Oslo, where they held a free concert outside the city hall (Rådhusplassen). We had the pleasure of seeing many famous Norwegian and non-Norwegian acts, including:
Alexander Rybak, who performed something other than “Fairytale”…well, he sang that too but we missed it, much to Xenia’s chagrin;
a-ha, you know—the “Take on Me” guys. Yeah, they’re Norwegian, if you didn’t know! I still can’t believe we saw A-Ha, for God’s sake…It’s so incredibly strange;
Tone Damli Aaberge;
Espen Lind, Kurt Nilsen, Alejandro Fuentes, and the fourth guy whose name I never remembered, who performed a raw mix of “Never Easy,” “If I Were A Boy” and “Free Falling” simultaneously;
Karpe Diem, hvor er’u bor hen a?;
Lene Marlin, who might have a picture of me on her digital camera;
and my personal favorite, the Icelandic beauty Yohanna, who you see above.
I have apparently turned out to be quite the Eurovision fanatic. I’m not so sure if that is a good thing, but I’m very glad that I got the chance to see her live. It was a whole different experience actually being there; her voice filled the entire arena and sounded so ethereal.
When the concert concluded up came the fireworks by Akerbrygga, and after that we wasted some time at a nearby amusement park, staring at the Ferris wheel (it was too expensive to ride), before settling on kveldsmat at McDonald’s. There were drunk girls with tampons and cigarettes.
Took the last trikk back to Eric’s mansion-house, where we lounged around some more before retiring.
A suivre–
Goodbye Paola
Today I was in Larvik for Paola’s 19th birthday celebration, which also doubled as an occasion for the Vestfold-Telemark exchange students to bid farewell. (She’s returning to Colombia earlier in order to finish exams.)
Even though the sum of all our moments spent with each other barely fills a week’s worth of time, I still feel closer to her than I do with people whom I have seen every day through the year. Time is only second to chemistry, and we have surely made precious memories out of our brief moments together: singing Laura Pausini while searching for beer in Høvik, sunbathing on Drammen’s waterline, and sharing our latest and freshest romantic endeavors with each other.
But still, it surprises me that I am left with such a heavy feeling. I guess the reality of it didn’t really strike until that moment when I was holding her and saw the bus coming from the distance. And then saying goodbye with a kiss and a wave, unsure of when I’ll next see her again—that was the toughest moment.
Paola, for en herlig person du er. Jeg er takknemlig at jeg fikk muligheten til å være venner med så søt en jente. You make Colombia shine.
People I’m Thankful For
As if God himself had heard my shittacular week from above and decided to divinely intervene, today was pleasantly nice. Spent the day chez Elaine with Gayoung making food, playing piano, and being silly. It’s days like these that make me go ”I’m not ready to grow up.” On second thought, maybe it’s just an Asian thing; we just don’t age as quickly as other races, physically and mentally. (And by that I don’t mean we’re mentally slow, but that we retain our youthfulness long after everyone else has matured into the seriousness of adulthood.) Think about it, it makes sense.
Anyway, it made me realize that in my passionate insobriety, perhaps I had been a bit too inconsiderate. I don’t retract what I say about the Norwegian social culture–c’est encore le goût de soufre et j’en déteste–but there have been a few people here that have made my life here very special and enjoyable, and at times, bearable. They have been so welcoming, patient, and genuinely warm, and though I don’t spend nearly as much time with them as I would like to, I cherish those fleeting moments. Breddeidrett and Historie og Filosofi with Anniken, Samfunnsøkonomi med Gulli, kveldsturer along the beach with Bjørn-Kristian, conversations about culture-shock and immersion with Gayoung, these are the moments I want to remember and take from my experience. These are the memories that truly matter. Takk.
Thoughts
Hell, school was long today. Jogged to the beach during gymtime. Being in Norway has taught me to be in awe of Mother Nature’s awesomeness. I never had a favorite season in California. I do today. Primavera has come. The tide was low and the water was almost still, with the waves lapping languidly back and forth along the shore. There was no wind, and the sun was bright and shining. There was a bench. There was me, tired. It was the best one and a half hours of Athletic P.E. ever.
Spent most of norsktimen and lunch with 가영. I was surprised that she’s only been here for three years. It got me wistfully remenescing my own past. I always thought of my first three years in America as a living hell: the crying, the loneliness, the bullying, the helplessness. I guess it’s because of that experience which carved out a soft spot in my heart for the newly-immigrated, or from my perspective, the newly-emigrated. I asked her if she missed Korea and if she’s been back to visit since. She said she does and that she hasn’t, and in that moment I was overwhelmed by the urge to give her a really big hug. Adapting to this second culture, it’s our perpetual struggle, and nobody else knows what it’s like.
The rest of the day snailed by eventlessly, leaving me with plenty of time to think, reflect, and ponder. Mostly about love. Nagging little thoughts such as, “God! Don’t these people feel?!” Sometimes it seems like they have no interior emotions. I see them laugh, but their laughter is superficial. I see them wrap their arms around each other, but their touch lacks true affection. Whatever happened to genuine desires, romance, courting, hmm? Where did the passion, depth, and intellectual attraction go? And when did Romeo & Juliet become a cliché? (Or has it always been?) I’m not pricing my feelings above everyone else’s, but it just feels like nobody takes Love seriously anymore. Or am I just being an unrealistic ideal romantic again?
