So after falling into a hellhole today, I am finally feeling a bit better. I’ve got Zaiko kosing himself on my lap; I think I’ll miss him more than leverpostei. Which makes me wonder if the damn thing will even remember me after I leave, never mind miss me. That’s the only thing dogs have over cats, you know; their blatant loyalty. You can never tell what a cat is thinking ‘cause it acts so damn nonchalant all the time.

Har akkurat kommet hjem fra Engler og Demoner med Anniken. Hun kom hos meg, vi spiste litt Grandis, og så dro vi til kinoen. Jeg må si at jeg føler så mye bedre etter å ha vært ute med henne. Det var en pust av frisk luft å kunne endelig få snakke med noen om disse følelsene jeg har fått i det siste, og det føles like bra å få høre hva som skjer i hennes liv. Vi snakka om masse, både seriøse og dumme greier; det var i allefall en skikkelig bra fredag kveld.

Filmen, forresten, var innmari bra. Selv om jeg har lest boka allerede var det likevel spennende. Og den skuespiller’n, Ewan McGregor, fyttikatta han er kjekk ass! (Selvfølgelig spilte han rollen sin veldig bra også, men det hjelper jo at han var deilig å se på òg, haha.)

今天晚上带给我了心的希望. 我会继续努力的. 虽然我跟学校一大部分的人不会有设么结果, 我还有时间和机会去交一两个好的挪威朋友. 嗯!

I’m going to leave you with a song that I’m beginning to like very much. (It’s by Nek, no surprise there; I am so taken by him.) Its lyrics, though simple, are poignant, a hopeful yet cautious reminder of l’importanza di amare.

Puoi creare un grande impero intorno a te
Costruire grattacieli per contare un pò di più
Puoi comprare tutto quello che vuoi tu
Ma se non ami, se non ami
Non hai un vero motivo per vivere
Se non ami, non ti ami
Non ci sei
[You can build a great empire around you
Construct skyscrapers in order to matter a little bit more
You can buy all the things that you want
But if you don’t love, if you don’t love
You don’t have a true reason for living
If you don’t love, you don’t love yourself
You don’t exist]

I have big intentions. Huge plans and goals. I just can’t conceive them. I’ve always been in awe of songwriters; they make the process of creating a song seem so effortless. I want to do that. I want to carve out the intangible, capture and preserve a feeling, a moment, an emotion, and then pass it on to others. There exists nothing more satisfying.

But tonight, I’ll relegate myself to sharing other people’s songs, so unwax those ears.

1. Super Junior 너라고 (It’s You)

2. Kelly Clarkson Don’t Let Me Stop You

3. Nek ft. Laura Pausini Sei Solo Tu

It’s no secret that I’m a big fan of Nek, e non solo perché è gnocco. His music and lyrics are filled to the brim with emotion and intensity; they stir up feelings of boundlessness and nostalgia, and remind us of the fragility of being human. Mi sento il vivo quando ascolto lui.
Perché mi piaci in ogni modo,
Why do I like you in every way,
da ogni lato o prospettiva, tu?…
From every side and perspective, you?…
E poi sai fare morire un uomo
And you know how to make a man die
con l’innocenza del pudore che non hai…
with the innocent modesty that you don’t possess…
Perché sei bella che mi fai male…
Because you are beautiful that it hurts me…
Sei solo tu nei giorni miei…
There is only you in my days…
Sei solo tu e dimmi che
There is only you, and tell me that
sono questo ora anch’io per te…
I am also the same to you…

4. Cajsa Stina Åkerström Långt Härifrån

5. Keith Urban Til Summer Comes Around

And I saved the best for last. God, this song is everything I feel right now: deserted, wishing on something that doesn’t exist yet still persistant and keeping that flickering hope alive. And the guitar riff makes me speechless. This isn’t a song to listen to, this is a song to live.

I think all the songs here on this collection reflect a fragment of my mindset right now. They sing what I couldn’t dare say.

L’inquietudine

Well, considering I’ve smoked half a carton and downed a liter of beer within the past two hours, it warrants me an excuse to blog now and regret later.

I’ve had as much as I can take. I’ve tried to keep my mind open, my spirit up, my attitude positive, but I can only keep up this façade so far. I’m tired, and I’ve stopped trying. If you were to tell me to pack up my bags tomorrow for California, I wouldn’t argue a word. I’m ready to leave.

I’ve held my trap for as long as possible, thinking “just wait it out, it’ll get better,” but now I see that it won’t. To say that I hate Norway would be an overexaggeration and an insult to my family here. They’ve been nothing but patient, generous, and kind to me and believe me, I’ve guilted myself enough for thinking what I am about to say.

But I hate it here, I really do. I can honestly name you all the people that I talk to at school on one hand. I wake up in the morning to the thought of “How am I going to get through the day? Who am I going to talk to?” Do you realize how hard it is to wake up every morning to that thought? To even worry about how you’re gonna get through the day because you’re afraid that you might not make it to 3:30 without going bezerk? And you wanna know what I do at school? Break? Lunch? Stare at my fucking computer screen.

But I suppose it’s my fault right? That I’m not putting myself out there. That I’m not trying. That I’m not persistent. Or desperate enough to keep on leeching to people that don’t give a damn about me. That don’t want to know me, that won’t even remember me, or if they do–only as “that one kid last year that was boring and didn’t say anything and was by himself the whole time; that ‘mann.’” That after nine fucking months here I’m still as foreign as the day I set foot in Horten.

And I suppose it’s my fault that people here are only friendly when they’re flat out wasted. Because they need the liqueur to warm up their frigid Scandinavian hearts. Because they need 22 cans of Tuborg in order to truly feel free. To say “Hey! How’s it going?!” To give you a high-five, a pat on the back, a hug. Because without alcohol, there’s no way they can even greet you in the hallways!

I know these people, I watch them everyday, and I know that they’re not cold. I can see the way they interact with each other and they are as lively as any American, but they’re so fucking private and excluding. “You get used to it, it takes a long time to be accepted into their circle.” Well you know what? They can keep their privacy and their drunken stupors. I’ve lived without it for nine months, I can live without it for two more.

I came here with an open heart, ready to love this country and know its people, but Norwegians have really disappointed me. I’m sorry that I came here. I’m ready to leave.

I love Nek. He sings with so much force and passion, and his voice commands attention. This is one of those songs where the music and lyrics fuse so well together. It captures the fleeting image of being in love and the solemnity of the reflection that frames it.

Testo in Italiano

Tra le luci accese dei lampioni cammino lentamente
la mia ombra che si allunga ti raggiunge ed io vicino a te
Non è facile parlare quando il tempo non ti basta mai
Poca voglia di partire e poca voglia di lasciarti qui

Perchè ci credo ancora
Perchè ricordo ancora
Perchè lo vivo ancora

Correvamo a piedi nudi sulla sabbia
tutto il cielo intorno nuvole nell’alba ed io
quasi avevo paura, paura di sentirmi così vivo, vivo
Semplici emozioni vive sulla pelle
Tutte le risposte in una corsa folle e tu
che dicevi l’amore è solo una parola

Ma io ci credo ancora
Ma io lo vivo ancora
Perchè ricordo ancora

Dimmi adesso cosa è più importante di quel che abbiamo dentro?
Ma sei schiavo di una vita a tempo e corri più del vento
E questo mondo non ha più distanze puoi volare dove vuoi
Ma se grido, se ti cerco, se io muoio tu lo sentirai

Perchè lo vivi ancora
Perchè lo senti ancora
Non puoi fermarlo ora
Non puoi fermarlo mai mai mai mai mai

Giorni settimane notti senza luna
tra il lavoro i sogni e un brivido alla schiena e tu
eri senza catene ad annusare il mondo per sentirti viva
Persi tra gli oggetti persi tra negli sguardi persi nei risvegli e nelle notti folli e poi
è già ora di andare, ti prego non partire

Perchè ti voglio ancora
Perchè io vivo ancora
Perchè ci credo ancora

Translation in English

Among the lights lit by the lampposts I walk slowly,
my shadow stretching, catching up to you and I…am next to you
It’s not easy to speak when time never gives you enough
A bit yearning to leave and a bit yearning to remain here

Because I still believe in us
Because I still remember
Because I still live it

Running barefoot on the sand
surrounded by the vast sky, clouds in the dawn and I,
I was almost afraid, afraid to feel myself so alive, alive
Simple emotions live on the skin
All the answers in a crazy contest of speed and you,
who used to say love is just a word

But I still believe in us
But I still live it
Because I still remember

Tell me now, what is more important than what we have inside?
Yet you are a slave to a tempoed life and run more than the wind
And this world has no more distances, you can fly wherever you want
But if I cry, if I look for you, if I die, you will feel it

Because you still live it
Because you still feel it
You can not stop it now
You can never stop it, never…

Days, weeks, moonless nights
between work, dreams, and a shiver down the spine and you
were unchained, free to get a whiff of the world and feel yourself alive
I was lost among the objects, lost in the eyes,
lost in the arousal and in the crazy nights
And it’s already time to go, I bet you please don’t leave

Because I still want you
Because I still live
Because I still believe in us

Haven’t blogged about music in a while, though I have been listening to a lot.

The first I want to mention is that Nek’s single, La voglia che non vorrei, is now available in Spanish, and it sounds just as amazing. The Spanish title is Deseo que ya no puede ser. The lyrics are in the same current as its Italian counterpart although I prefer the original Italian lyrics better.

The second is Utada Hikaru’s English single: Come Back to Me. Though I wince every time I focus closely on the lyrics, and despite my general avoidance of Asian pop music, this one’s actually pretty catchy and really fits the mood I’ve been in lately. I wouldn’t even classify it as pop, actually–it’s pretty much Japanese R&B.

Happy listening!

I think one of the best ways to get to know a person is to listen to them. Not only what they have to say, but how they feel. People use music to express what they can’t express with words, and those that don’t make their own music find ones that associate with their moods, thoughts, or personality. At least, this is why I like to post certain songs from time to time: to show people what I cannot tell them.

One of my favorites lately is Nek’s new single, La voglia che non vorrei (The Desire I Don’t Want). For me, sonically, it’s one of those songs that just leaves me frozen. It sounds so distantly familiar, and perhaps that’s what I like best about it.
Even without listening to the lyrics, you can feel the range of emotions behind it: the gentleness, the rage, the subtle tone of resignment in his voice. But there is something so incredibly settling and comforting about it, like somebody’s gently cradling you after a long cry.

Testo italiano

So la parte che mi fai
diversa come tante
Che sorriso in mente hai
Ho i sensi deboli
e pensi che non tremi

Io lo so che sguardo naviga
al largo di quegli occhi
so che scioglierà
come fumo l’incantesimo

Ma poi mi brucia dentro
la tua sete, il mio tormento

Sei l’unica voglia che non vorrei
ti ho vista piangere su di me
ma sono il tuo passato ormai

So la colpa che ti dai
qui dietro la mia porta
quale scusa inventerai
Stai di vetro in un replay
un sole che tramonta
ma non lo fai

Tu senza più confini
stella persa tra i miei celi

Sei l’unica voglia che non vorrei
ti ho vista piangere su di me
ma sono il tuo passato ormai
È una follia!
Ma ogni singolo gesto che fai
e questo incantesimo andrà via
ora che non sei più mia

So che il fuoco splendido
lo accendi e dura poco
so che scioglierò
io per primo l’incantesimo

Sei l’unica voglia che non vorrei
ti ho vista piangere su di me
ma sono già lontano ormai
Sei la follia!
E ogni singolo gesto che fai
e questo incantesimo andrà via
ora che non sei più mia

Ora che non sei più mia

And with a lot of help from Francesco and Xenia, I was able to piece together what I hope is an accurate English translation.

English translation

I know the part you act out in front of me,
multifarious, like all the others
What a smile you have in mind
My senses are weak
And you think that I’m not trembling…

I know the look that swims
deep behind those eyes
I know that it will dissolve
like smoke–the spell

But then, it will burn me from inside
Your thirst, my pain

You are the only desire I do not want
I have seen you crying over me
but I am your past now

I know the guilt you give to yourself
here outside my door
Which excuse will you invent?
You stay like glass in a replay,
a sun that sets…
only you don’t

You, without any boundaries
star lost within my skies

You are the only desire I do not want
I have seen you crying over me
but I am your past now
It is madness!
But any little gesture you make
and this spell will dissipate
now that you are no longer mine

I know that a brilliant flame
does not last long once you light it
I know that I will dissolve
I, the first one–the spell

You are the only desire I do not want
I have seen you crying over me
but I am already far into the distance now
You are the madness!
And any little gesture you make
and this spell will dissipate
now that you are no longer mine

Now that you are no longer mine