Okay, first of all, I just have to say something about the Air France debacle: the plane disappeared?! Are you kidding me? And now they’ve reported to finding parts of the wreckage. What a shit time to hear about this. I mean, I like flying, and I love traveling, but this just gives me the creeps.

In other news; I need to find a job in Switzerland. Can’t go on leeching off of Mom’s money. And it’s not a matter of wanting to get one. I need to get one. I want to know I can support myself—or at least be able to cover my own pocket spendings—stand on my own two feet. I want to be financially independent. I know the prospects of landing a job in Lugano is not very good, but I’m determined. Have to start working!

Nous avons vu un film en français aujourd’hui qui m’a fait trist et un peu abattu. (Un sentiment trop courant dans ces derniers temps, mais t’inquiète po, chuis correct.) Ceci est ma critique:

It is the story about “an outsider coming into a close-knit community and the effects that [he] has on the people, and the prejudices that are stirred up.”

The writer’s portrayal of the small town is grim, yet relatable: a chilly, impenetrable circle of homogenous Bretons who are more or less unmalleable in regards to their ways and manners with outsiders.

The viewers are introduced to Antoine as a catalyst, but the characters are stagnant, and aside from the gradual warming up on Yvon, there is no real change, which is the most frustrating thing about this movie. It is essentially a movie about a man fail: unpleasant and hopeless, an ironic twist on the film’s title, L’Équipier.

As a foreigner, an expat, an intruder, this film hits a little too close for comfort, and its message is disappointing and harrowing. I was secretly hoping for a more reconciliatory ending.

Obviously, this isn’t the kind of movie that I would have liked to see, but I can’t help but ponder on its accuracy. Why is it so damn difficult to immerse yourself into a small community? People who have never lived outside of their homelands, hometowns, they will never come to know this feeling.

I like traveling and seeing the world, and wouldn’t give it up for the world. But really, where is a place that I can say I belong to? Is the right to a communal citizenship something every vagabond has to renounce? Or is it just me who is floating in between countries and continents?

I leave you with Elephant by Damien Rice, a former favorite that I rediscovered a few days ago. Used to be a huge Damien Rice fan in junior high; such powerful melodies and strong—albeit de temps en temps senseless—words. And you’ve gotta admit the man’s got balls.
‘Cause I am lately…Lonely.
‘Cause I am lately…Horny.

So after falling into a hellhole today, I am finally feeling a bit better. I’ve got Zaiko kosing himself on my lap; I think I’ll miss him more than leverpostei. Which makes me wonder if the damn thing will even remember me after I leave, never mind miss me. That’s the only thing dogs have over cats, you know; their blatant loyalty. You can never tell what a cat is thinking ‘cause it acts so damn nonchalant all the time.

Har akkurat kommet hjem fra Engler og Demoner med Anniken. Hun kom hos meg, vi spiste litt Grandis, og så dro vi til kinoen. Jeg må si at jeg føler så mye bedre etter å ha vært ute med henne. Det var en pust av frisk luft å kunne endelig få snakke med noen om disse følelsene jeg har fått i det siste, og det føles like bra å få høre hva som skjer i hennes liv. Vi snakka om masse, både seriøse og dumme greier; det var i allefall en skikkelig bra fredag kveld.

Filmen, forresten, var innmari bra. Selv om jeg har lest boka allerede var det likevel spennende. Og den skuespiller’n, Ewan McGregor, fyttikatta han er kjekk ass! (Selvfølgelig spilte han rollen sin veldig bra også, men det hjelper jo at han var deilig å se på òg, haha.)

今天晚上带给我了心的希望. 我会继续努力的. 虽然我跟学校一大部分的人不会有设么结果, 我还有时间和机会去交一两个好的挪威朋友. 嗯!

I’m going to leave you with a song that I’m beginning to like very much. (It’s by Nek, no surprise there; I am so taken by him.) Its lyrics, though simple, are poignant, a hopeful yet cautious reminder of l’importanza di amare.

Puoi creare un grande impero intorno a te
Costruire grattacieli per contare un pò di più
Puoi comprare tutto quello che vuoi tu
Ma se non ami, se non ami
Non hai un vero motivo per vivere
Se non ami, non ti ami
Non ci sei
[You can build a great empire around you
Construct skyscrapers in order to matter a little bit more
You can buy all the things that you want
But if you don’t love, if you don’t love
You don’t have a true reason for living
If you don’t love, you don’t love yourself
You don’t exist]

I have big intentions. Huge plans and goals. I just can’t conceive them. I’ve always been in awe of songwriters; they make the process of creating a song seem so effortless. I want to do that. I want to carve out the intangible, capture and preserve a feeling, a moment, an emotion, and then pass it on to others. There exists nothing more satisfying.

But tonight, I’ll relegate myself to sharing other people’s songs, so unwax those ears.

1. Super Junior 너라고 (It’s You)

2. Kelly Clarkson Don’t Let Me Stop You

3. Nek ft. Laura Pausini Sei Solo Tu

It’s no secret that I’m a big fan of Nek, e non solo perché è gnocco. His music and lyrics are filled to the brim with emotion and intensity; they stir up feelings of boundlessness and nostalgia, and remind us of the fragility of being human. Mi sento il vivo quando ascolto lui.
Perché mi piaci in ogni modo,
Why do I like you in every way,
da ogni lato o prospettiva, tu?…
From every side and perspective, you?…
E poi sai fare morire un uomo
And you know how to make a man die
con l’innocenza del pudore che non hai…
with the innocent modesty that you don’t possess…
Perché sei bella che mi fai male…
Because you are beautiful that it hurts me…
Sei solo tu nei giorni miei…
There is only you in my days…
Sei solo tu e dimmi che
There is only you, and tell me that
sono questo ora anch’io per te…
I am also the same to you…

4. Cajsa Stina Åkerström Långt Härifrån

5. Keith Urban Til Summer Comes Around

And I saved the best for last. God, this song is everything I feel right now: deserted, wishing on something that doesn’t exist yet still persistant and keeping that flickering hope alive. And the guitar riff makes me speechless. This isn’t a song to listen to, this is a song to live.

I think all the songs here on this collection reflect a fragment of my mindset right now. They sing what I couldn’t dare say.

L’inquietudine

Well, considering I’ve smoked half a carton and downed a liter of beer within the past two hours, it warrants me an excuse to blog now and regret later.

I’ve had as much as I can take. I’ve tried to keep my mind open, my spirit up, my attitude positive, but I can only keep up this façade so far. I’m tired, and I’ve stopped trying. If you were to tell me to pack up my bags tomorrow for California, I wouldn’t argue a word. I’m ready to leave.

I’ve held my trap for as long as possible, thinking “just wait it out, it’ll get better,” but now I see that it won’t. To say that I hate Norway would be an overexaggeration and an insult to my family here. They’ve been nothing but patient, generous, and kind to me and believe me, I’ve guilted myself enough for thinking what I am about to say.

But I hate it here, I really do. I can honestly name you all the people that I talk to at school on one hand. I wake up in the morning to the thought of “How am I going to get through the day? Who am I going to talk to?” Do you realize how hard it is to wake up every morning to that thought? To even worry about how you’re gonna get through the day because you’re afraid that you might not make it to 3:30 without going bezerk? And you wanna know what I do at school? Break? Lunch? Stare at my fucking computer screen.

But I suppose it’s my fault right? That I’m not putting myself out there. That I’m not trying. That I’m not persistent. Or desperate enough to keep on leeching to people that don’t give a damn about me. That don’t want to know me, that won’t even remember me, or if they do–only as “that one kid last year that was boring and didn’t say anything and was by himself the whole time; that ‘mann.’” That after nine fucking months here I’m still as foreign as the day I set foot in Horten.

And I suppose it’s my fault that people here are only friendly when they’re flat out wasted. Because they need the liqueur to warm up their frigid Scandinavian hearts. Because they need 22 cans of Tuborg in order to truly feel free. To say “Hey! How’s it going?!” To give you a high-five, a pat on the back, a hug. Because without alcohol, there’s no way they can even greet you in the hallways!

I know these people, I watch them everyday, and I know that they’re not cold. I can see the way they interact with each other and they are as lively as any American, but they’re so fucking private and excluding. “You get used to it, it takes a long time to be accepted into their circle.” Well you know what? They can keep their privacy and their drunken stupors. I’ve lived without it for nine months, I can live without it for two more.

I came here with an open heart, ready to love this country and know its people, but Norwegians have really disappointed me. I’m sorry that I came here. I’m ready to leave.

Embrace the reality or wither away in sentimentality…

I feel stupid and naïve. This has happened one too many times before, and I’m in the exact position that I warned myself against. Thank you, Tim Papp, for teaching me nothing.

I guess perhaps I was hungry for it, hungry for that feeling of being enamoured in somebody. There’s a warmth in that which can’t be subsituted by the love of friendship or kin. And oh, it made me feel so alive: mornings where you wake up and look forward to a new day and eagerly hop into the shower instead of abusing the snooze; afternoons biking home to vos chansons préférées and thinking that everything is as beautiful and blue as the boundless sky above; emberous nights in the coziness of your room, free to relinquish reality and live an hour or two in fantasy. C’est le poison le plus doux.

J’étais Icarus et il était le soleil, et j’ai fondu si facilement sous ses rayons.

How foolish was I to believe that something concrete could come out of something so brittle? How ignorant was I to think that the only thing of importance was the way we felt? How ridiculously dumb was I to assume that it was we who felt anything? And how irresponsible was I to be so willing to love?

I’m in this pithole because I brought it upon myself. Like a proper masochist, I allowed myself to be tethered by you. Even now, I don’t know what would be better: to not have you cross my mind at all, or to continue in this suffering just to feel your presence in my life.

至于感觉这样吗？

I love Nek. He sings with so much force and passion, and his voice commands attention. This is one of those songs where the music and lyrics fuse so well together. It captures the fleeting image of being in love and the solemnity of the reflection that frames it.

Testo in Italiano

Tra le luci accese dei lampioni cammino lentamente
la mia ombra che si allunga ti raggiunge ed io vicino a te
Non è facile parlare quando il tempo non ti basta mai
Poca voglia di partire e poca voglia di lasciarti qui

Perchè ci credo ancora
Perchè ricordo ancora
Perchè lo vivo ancora

Correvamo a piedi nudi sulla sabbia
tutto il cielo intorno nuvole nell’alba ed io
quasi avevo paura, paura di sentirmi così vivo, vivo
Semplici emozioni vive sulla pelle
Tutte le risposte in una corsa folle e tu
che dicevi l’amore è solo una parola

Ma io ci credo ancora
Ma io lo vivo ancora
Perchè ricordo ancora

Dimmi adesso cosa è più importante di quel che abbiamo dentro?
Ma sei schiavo di una vita a tempo e corri più del vento
E questo mondo non ha più distanze puoi volare dove vuoi
Ma se grido, se ti cerco, se io muoio tu lo sentirai

Perchè lo vivi ancora
Perchè lo senti ancora
Non puoi fermarlo ora
Non puoi fermarlo mai mai mai mai mai

Giorni settimane notti senza luna
tra il lavoro i sogni e un brivido alla schiena e tu
eri senza catene ad annusare il mondo per sentirti viva
Persi tra gli oggetti persi tra negli sguardi persi nei risvegli e nelle notti folli e poi
è già ora di andare, ti prego non partire

Perchè ti voglio ancora
Perchè io vivo ancora
Perchè ci credo ancora

Translation in English

Among the lights lit by the lampposts I walk slowly,
my shadow stretching, catching up to you and I…am next to you
It’s not easy to speak when time never gives you enough
A bit yearning to leave and a bit yearning to remain here

Because I still believe in us
Because I still remember
Because I still live it

Running barefoot on the sand
surrounded by the vast sky, clouds in the dawn and I,
I was almost afraid, afraid to feel myself so alive, alive
Simple emotions live on the skin
All the answers in a crazy contest of speed and you,
who used to say love is just a word

But I still believe in us
But I still live it
Because I still remember

Tell me now, what is more important than what we have inside?
Yet you are a slave to a tempoed life and run more than the wind
And this world has no more distances, you can fly wherever you want
But if I cry, if I look for you, if I die, you will feel it

Because you still live it
Because you still feel it
You can not stop it now
You can never stop it, never…

Days, weeks, moonless nights
between work, dreams, and a shiver down the spine and you
were unchained, free to get a whiff of the world and feel yourself alive
I was lost among the objects, lost in the eyes,
lost in the arousal and in the crazy nights
And it’s already time to go, I bet you please don’t leave

Because I still want you
Because I still live
Because I still believe in us

Here are some of my recent favorites: there are a lot!

Hyori Lee/이효리 Toc Toc Toc/톡톡톡
First heard it on a YouTube video of Honey Lee, Miss Korea Universe 2007. (She was my favorite that year, and in my opinion, the best. Anyway, that’s beside the point.) But I managed to find a video with the English translations, and the lyrics are actually quite clever. It’s fun, it’s sexy, and it’s Korean. ‘Nuff said.

I have mixed opinions toward this song: I love it and I dislike it. It’s a typical 1990s ballad, but once you get past the outdatedness of it, the melody is very likable and it’s got one of the best bridges I have heard, I would even dare say.
Lyrically, while I can relate to the character, I find her portrayal (if you can call it that) rather terrible: determined, but all for the wrong reasons which in the end only makes her seem desperate, clingy, and over the top. Talk about whipping a dead horse, ‘eh? It’s not sexy or charming at all, and there is no pleasure in her obsession. She is everything I don’t want to be.

But anyway, I will have you make up your own mind about this song by Laura Pausini:

Testo Italiano

Tu non rispondi più al telefono
E aprendi al filo ogni speranza mia
Io non avrei creduto mai di poter
Perder la testa per te

All’improvviso sei fuggito via
Lasciando il vuoto in questa vita mia
Senza risposte ai miei perché adesso
Cosa mi resta di te

Non c’è, non c’è il profumo della tua pelle
Non c’è il respiro di te sul viso
Non c’è la tua boca di fragola
Non c’è il dolce miele dei tuoi capelli

Non c’è che il veleno di te sul cuore
Non c’è via d’uscita per questo amore
Non c’è, non c’è vita per me, più
Non c’è, non c’è altra ragione che mi
Liberi l’anima

Incatenata a notte di follia
Anche in prigione me ne andrai per te
Solo una vita non basta
Per me

E anche l’estate ha le sue nuvole
E tu sei l’uragano contro me
Strappando i sogni nei giorni miei te ne sei
Andato di fretta perché

Se esiste un Dio no può scordarsi di me anche se
Fra lui e me c’è un cielo nero nero senza fine
Lo pregherò, lo cercherò e lo giuro ti troverò
Dovessi entrare in altre dieci cento mille vita e

In questa vita buia senza di te sento che
Ormai per me sei diventato l’unica ragione
Se c’è un confine nell’amore giuro lo passerò
E nell’immenso vuoto di quei giorni senza fine
Ti amerò

Come la prima volta a casa tua
Ogni tuo gesto mi portava via
Sentivo perdermi dentro
Di te…

English lyrics

You no longer answer the phone
And you hang all my hopes on a thread
I never thought that I would
Lose my mind over you

You fled so suddenly
Leaving a void in this life of mine
Without answers to my why’s, now
Things of you remain with me

It is not here, it is not here, the scent of your skin
It is not here, the feel of your breath against my face
It is not here, your strawberry mouth
It is not here, the sweet honey of your hair

It is not here, the poison in your heart
There is no way out for this love
There is no, there is no life for me any longer
There is no, there is no other reason which
Sets my soul free

Chained to a night of madness
I would even go to prison for you
Only one life is not enough
For me

And even summer has its clouds
And you are the hurricane coming towards me
Tearing up the dreams in my days
You went away in such a hurry, why?

If there exists a god, he cannot forget me even if
There is an endless black black sky between us
I will beg, I will look for and I swear I will find you
If I must, I will live tens, hundreds, thousands of lives to do it

In this gloomy life without you I feel that
You have now become the sole reason
If love has a border I swear I will cross it
And in the immense void of those endless days
I will love you

Like the first time at your house
Every single gesture you made carried me away
I felt myself becoming lost inside
In you…

Haven’t blogged about music in a while, though I have been listening to a lot.

The first I want to mention is that Nek’s single, La voglia che non vorrei, is now available in Spanish, and it sounds just as amazing. The Spanish title is Deseo que ya no puede ser. The lyrics are in the same current as its Italian counterpart although I prefer the original Italian lyrics better.

The second is Utada Hikaru’s English single: Come Back to Me. Though I wince every time I focus closely on the lyrics, and despite my general avoidance of Asian pop music, this one’s actually pretty catchy and really fits the mood I’ve been in lately. I wouldn’t even classify it as pop, actually–it’s pretty much Japanese R&B.

Happy listening!

My new favorite song to dance to. It’s by Nek, although this version’s been remixed by Eiffel 65–the “I’m blue da ba de da ba dai” guys, remember ‘em? Played it at Doug’s house last night, and it got all the Italians pumped and singing along, though I’m not too sure about everyone else.

Testo italiano

È chiaro adesso
ora riesco ad essere me stesso
nella vita tu sei il mio successo
io che con l’amore non ci avevo preso mai
È chiaro adesso
ora riesco ad essere me stesso
nella vita tu sei il mio successo
io che con l’amore non ci avevo preso mai
davvero mai

La vita è sapere che
dovunque sei
dovunque vai
se hai dei perché
o sei nei guai
mi chiedi aiuto se non ce la fai
e capisco di amarti non me l’hai chiesto
ma il mio posto è con te

È chiaro adesso
ora riesco ad essere me stesso
nella vita tu sei il mio successo
io che con l’amore non ci avevo preso mai
È chiaro adesso
quando litighiamo e sto nel giusto
quando dico vado e invece resto
è perché son certo che con te la vita è

La vita è avere te
vederti assorta e scordarmi di me
guardarti sai mi calma già
quando alla fine qualche cosa non va
e capisco perché se ti vedo esisto
non c’è gusto senza di te

È chiaro adesso
ora riesco ad essere me stesso
nella vita tu sei il mio successo
io che con l’amore non ci avevo preso mai
È chiaro adesso
quando litighiamo e sto nel giusto
quando dico vado e invece resto
è perché son certo che con te la vita è

Hei dal tuo sguardo non allontanarmi mai
perché voglio stare lì
voglio essere dentro te

E capisco che mi da di più un tuo gesto
ma non solo per questo io sono qui…

English lyrics

It’s clear now
now I succeed and I am still the same
in life you are my success
I had never imagined us with such love
It’s clear now
now I succeed and I am still the same
in life you are my success
I had never imagined us with such love
not ever

Life is to know that
wherever you are
wherever you go
if you have questions
or you are in trouble
ask for my help if you can’t make it
and I understand that you did not ask me to love you
but my place is with you

It’s clear now
now I succeed and I am still the same
in life you are my success
I had never imagined us with such love
It is clear now
when we argue and I am right
when I say I’m going but instead I stay
it’s because I am certain that life is with you

Life is to have you
to see you so engrossed that I forget myself
to watch you, you know, naturally calms me
when something doesn’t work out
and I understand why if I see you I exist
life has no taste without you

It’s clear now
now I succeed and I am still the same
in life you are my success
I had never imagined us with such love
It is clear now
when we argue and I am right
when I say I’m going but instead I stay
it’s because I am certain that life is with you

Hey, don’t ever dismiss me with your glance
because I want to stay here
I want to be within you

And I understand that your gesture holds more for me
but I am not here only for this…